Funny Quotes

Kevin Hart. He’s the man! I like his style. He’s short, so I can relate. All the stories he tells are real. I respect that, and he’s just a really funny dude – great comedy instincts. To do stand-up on a stage for an hour and tell stories and make people laugh is incredible.

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

Ego is hilarious – especially the vanity of a comedian. As soon as you see one start worrying about how cool he is or about how many stadiums he can fill, he stops being funny.

I’m never afraid to try something if I think it’s funny. And I know I’ll regret it if I don’t.

Only bad golfers are lucky. They’re the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.

Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn’t about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can’t go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I’m lucky my face can look so hideous.

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

It’s funny how things change slowly, until the day we realize they’ve changed completely.

You shouldn’t get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

I’m going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I’m going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.