Funny Quotes

Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.

I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them.

Experience is what you have after you’ve forgotten her name.

I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.

Trust is hard to come by. That’s why my circle is small and tight. I’m kind of funny about making new friends.

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.