Funny Quotes

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

I read part of it all the way through.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.