Funny Quotes

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

I saw a stationery store move.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.

Never have more children than you have car windows.