Funny Quotes

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

What do I know of man’s destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

You’re only as good as your last haircut.

If you can’t tell a spoon from a ladle, then you’re fat!