Funny Quotes

As for our majority… one is enough.

I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Who included me among the ranks of the human race?

A vegetarian is a person who won’t eat anything that can have children.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.

If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

I like children – fried.