Funny Quotes

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Include me out.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

I never said most of the things I said.

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

It is to be observed that ‘angling’ is the name given to fishing by people who can’t fish.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!