Funny Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.

One man is as good as another until he has written a book.

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

I like marriage. The idea.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.