Funny Quotes

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.

I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.

The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

You can always tell when a man’s well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.

I have an unfortunate personality.

What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.