Funny Quotes

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

If you’re naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don’t like.

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

I’m the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Reality continues to ruin my life.