Funny Quotes

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.

All men are equal before fish.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.