Funny Quotes

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

Macho does not prove mucho.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?