Funny Quotes

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.