All genuinely intellectual work is humorous.

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.

In heaven an angel is nobody in particular.

You cannot be a hero without being a coward.

It is most unwise for people in love to marry.

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.

Life levels all men. Death reveals the eminent.

The love of economy is the root of all virtue.

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.

I am a Christian. That obliges me to be a Communist.

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.

Animals are my friends… and I don’t eat my friends.

What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?

The art of government is the organisation of idolatry.

It’s easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.