A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Man was made at the end of the week’s work, when God was tired.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.

The difference between the word and the word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.